Saturday, January 30, 2010

Decorium Addictus

Welcome to Discovery Channel's Man Vs. Wild. I'm your host Bear Grylls. I've survived some of the most dangerous places on earth. From the Amazon, to the desert, to the jungles, and even antartica. The sort of places you wouldn't surive a day without the right survivor skills and today I'll be taking you on a hunt to find a creature so rare I'll have to venture to the most dangerous territory yet. Where few men have gone before, and only a few men dare to travel... Hobby Lobby.

Today I'm on the hunt for a creature called Decorium Addictus. A rare breed of human that has an amazing ability to blend in to it's natural surroundings but given the right bait or brought together with other Decorium Addictus' will morph into an altered state of mind and begin speaking a language that only other Decorium Addictus' can understand.
I'm heading to the decor aisle now. I've got my sunglasses on so as not to be blinded by all the crafts and decorating objects. One could lose your mind in here if not careful.You've got to be very quiet and listen carefully for certain queue words in order to find them.

Shhhh... I think I hear some now....... sounds like female voices....... I can't let them know that I'm listening in......... I must approach with caution!

Debbie: Oooh! Look at this! This is perfect for that blank space I have above my lamp in my living room!
Stephanie: [wide eyed]  That looks exactly like that thing in the Pottery Barn catalog! Speaking of which did you get yours yet?
Debbie: Yes! did you see those roman numerals in that office?

Bear Grylls:[whispers] Yes... these are definetly them! look at that "wild" look in their eyes when they talk about Pottery Barn. That is a tell tale sign! And look at the Male species. It looks like the one called Debbie has brought her male partner along. Look at his bored expression. We've caught them in their element so it is very likely that all the male partner is hearing is Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah, screw it into the wall, Blah Blah Blah Blah.
Let's keep listening in.

Stephanie: That clock in that living room...
Debbie: [interupts] The big one without the hands?!
Stephanie: YES! exactly! I HAVE to have it! I bet I can make it with a bit of paint and glaze.
Debbie: I know... I've already got Kels searching junk yards for scrap tin for those roman numerals.
I want them to have texture and depth but still be super cheap so I think that  if I go with......

Bear Grylls: I'm going to leave quietly now before they spot me. I've still got to make my way through this giant suburbian store unhurt and with my sanity still in tact. Once outside I'll have a helicopter pick me up and quickly remove me to safety.

***P.S.  tutorials coming tomorrow!!***

1 comment:

De Javu Crafts said...

ok, you are To funny, a little weird..JK...I am so excited for this post...cause if you go to my blog...this clock is on my TO do list....I am planing on making it this week...SO hurry up and let it be i can see how you do it!

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